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But your first thought only rushes to the opportunity. You've done it before, but you need to see that you can still do it, that the magic is still there. Most people you know, even among your closest friends, find it quite hard to understand. It's not that they don't try, but they simply can't know. But you do. And so do the people you meet up there, in the cold, in the blizzard, in the loneliness of an unspoken story. You remember all the moments when tens of languages melted into just one code expressing the same desire to break all barriers and surpass all obstacles to get there. You have to go back.


And then, as you utter the name over and over again it becomes her, the Goddess. Day after day, you make plans, you talk to people, trying to put this infinite desire in the right words, and the right template, so they might see, so they might understand. Ideas start crowding in. Some work, others don't. But there is no other chances but tying together all the loose ends and making things work. Because she is there. She just stands there, somewhere in the background of all your thoughts and actions, giving out the warmth of her overwhelming presence, enslaving you, enlightening you. And the closer you get to her, your daily routine becomes a ritual to honor the mighty deity, which one day, you hope to befriend.


One might be easily tempted to think that what you're taking on is just a race to the top, using all the tricks and the latest advances in technology, of course; spending some nights in one camp, some nights in another, awaiting for the best moment to pursue the final attack. But reality is quite different.


In hard words, we will be in Her kingdom for about 45 days. The climb, or better said the quest, will take place on the Tibetan side of the massive, using the North West Ridge route of the mountain. We'll have our Advanced Base Camp set up at 5700m from which  we will coordinate our acclimatization process and prepare the route for the final ascent: for almost a month of painstaking accommodation to the altitude and the harsh conditions where oxygen becomes dangerously scarce we'll set up three high camps stacked with gear and food  at 6400m, 7000 and 7500 m altitude. Not a straight line, as one might presume, but more of a back and forth movement, as your body adjusts.


And then again, you yourself have to learn to listen. For the force you worship can be gentle, and soothing, and generous. She might share with you the beauty of the valleys below, immersed in sunlight. But just as well, her fury and her moods know no boundaries. There might be avalanches, and ice falling from above, as she tries to push away the undecided. And the breath taking depth of her turquoise crevices does not shelter too much hope for life. The Goddess might bless and protect her admirers. Her punishment, sudden and indisputable, is just another face of the same coin.


As for support, there could be the Sherpa who have been living in her presence all their life. They know many of her secrets and many other climbers found them a vital companion in carrying the equipment and guidance around the Goddess trials. Bottled oxygen is another trick which could make things so much easier. Your heart wouldn't need to beat so fast, your lungs would not be under so much pressure and reality could creep undistorted into your already excited brain.


Up there, once you've gone beyond the 8000 m threshold, altitude is the killer. Sickness is no longer a relative term and time is one resource you do not afford to waste. Oxygen is three times as scarce as your body would need to function properly. And no matter how long a period you spent acclimatizing, the chemistry of your functions will not resist much in this environment. Especially with no additional oxygen supplies. Loss of consciousness and finally meeting the Creator lurk closely the height  where  sky jets flies is not exactly the best option for a walk.



But what would be the use of tricking the Goddess into accepting you?

In the end, this quest is all about testing your limits, going beyond them, overcoming your fears and, still, approaching this overwhelming force with the humbleness of the most devoted worshiper.

Maybe, the Goddess was once a concept you wanted to possess. But once the trail brought you here, you know, as your efforts intensify, that she has already become a part of you.


You stand up there, close to your final destination, and you see it so clearly now, that life is not about processes, and simplifying routines. There is a first footstep in the snow, and then comes another, and another one and so you become part of an universe hard to explain, impossible to define. You are a spark, whose intensity lies in the things you love most, in the ideas you simply can't escape. You have come all this way, and gone through all those moments when fear and despair border ultimate happiness, only to be able to see that real you. Climbing mountains outside is climbing mountains inside.


None of your expectations, or the projections your mind fabrics ceaseless, can match the moment of reaching the summit. You thought you would have to seduce here. Instead she has seduced you. Your feeble heart she has taken. She has lead you into her realm, into her aura, into her spirit. You experience the feeling of her sacred energy running though your veins. You wanted to come and pray in front of the Turquoise Goddess. Now she is here.

She is your sun your craze your desire.

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